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inner walls
03-07-2015, 04:57 AM,
#1
inner walls
“Inner walls; etc”, the creation of mental defenses


From a very early age, we are all subjected to “unwarranted treatment”/ from time to time.  The end result of this is, an intent to thwart the effects of “you treated me unfairly”/ with the subsequent result: I WILL NOT let you (or anyone like you) close enough, to do this again. 

That does mean, “I, or the truth of me; is buried beneath the layers that hide what I don’t desire you to see”. There are MANY descriptions of layers, from clothes, to odd behaviors, to refusals, or even abuse.  Some hide love/ some hide hate/ some hide lust/ some variation of this can and does, hide any information you wish to suppress.  If not found out!  Therefore we live in the construction of lies, if we cannot be true simply to ourselves.  Or more simply an image is created to show the world, so that we do not risk ourselves: to whatever people can or will do!  Love is attacked by some/ hate is attacked by others/ just about everything is attacked by someone; because that, is how we choose to live; instead of by truth.
The critical question, is a discipline of dimensions: or what is the size of “your hole (the place you hide)”.  Does it have room for someone else to participate in your life/ or not?  Are you that badly damaged, or not?  If so, it takes a long time to heal from real psychological (this is my life) hurt.
The critical answer is: that until you create a door, to either escape from this hole you hide in/ or enlarge it enough, for someone else to share: someone else willing to share. You will be lonely!  It is that simple, and while all things may seem fine in the earlier stages of life/ as time goes by, the life you chose will surround you; and become the last stages of your existence.  In other words, if you do not desire to be lonely “forever in time”/ you must find a way to escape the image you now worship as yourself.
The difference between an image and a reality is: what you believe/ versus, what you know is true inside, where life proves the decisions you did make.  Want them or not; truth is truth!  A life defined by truth, stands up to existence to express the values accepted, and the relationships sustained as a legitimate description of me.  This is who I am; so says the evidence.  That is a very different expression and experience than having an image which must always lie, to keep up the disguise.
The critical question is: WHAT hurts us so much, that we must turn to lies/ to hiding ourselves from others; so as not to be vulnerable anymore?  WHY, can we not forgive, or be forgiven, and go on with life as we choose it to be?  WHEN, are the opportunities for change available inside of me, or you? HOW can I help myself, or another?  And WHO is or is not “my friend”?

The answer to each of these questions determines the quality of your life!

Therefore we begin with the ascension of quality, rather than time.  Time is a distance traveled, a motion without rest, that is governed by the distinction of a choice.  Time without life is irrelevant/ therefore choice does matter.  We become, at our essence, the sum total of every choice we have made.  That fact identifies the critical source of who we are/ by the consequences and kaleidoscope  of what we chose. Every life, even a plant; has a limited range of choices/ that is what presents us each one with the freedom required to be happy; therefore seek to sustain life.  Without a choice, without true freedom to declare ourselves alive, or at least hope to be so; there is only depression, suicide, or hate.  That fact further declares freedom, to be at the forefront of time itself; so that we may in fact desire life.
The substance of freedom is: that I am sufficient within myself, as a value created in me, to do the things within my range of choices: that I have chosen to do.  That I am alive, and therefore worthy to be free!
The range of choices available to humanity on an individual level/ is confronted by the rest of humanity and their desire to inflict damage upon each other, to increase their own range of luxuries, lust, power, selfishness, or pride.  These end in hate, as the sum total of that purpose is to accept: these others are my enemy, “they hold me back, deny to me/ from everything I want, to anything I need”.  It is a freedom gone bad/ but it is nonetheless a freedom chosen by the majority of humans: because they all “want to be rich”.  Consequently they don’t want to be infringed upon in their own journey to be rich/ even though “rich” simply means: I have increased the slaves who must serve me/ taken the resources which do not belong to me; and caused increasing UNDUE harm.  It is jealousy, it is a true desire to be proud (I WIN/ which does mean YOU LOSE).  The end result is hatred growing over a wide range of people; because WANT surrenders the soul for greed.  To your shame.
In contrast to the blatant poverty of a humanity which is determined to enslave each other with greed. Is the value of miracles clearly shown to be a diversity of not only friendship at its source (we can live together/ because our needs, and our desires are diverse)/ but the possibilities of love created within us as we share and care the relationship given to us by respect:   “I knew you needed this, I knew you would desire this, because freedom is forever”.  And we hold the keys within ourselves, to build a future worth living.  Therefore keys are the foundation of an eternity.  Therefore the desire you know within your heart and soul, become the essence of life.  The creation of you, by truth!
Critical to the understanding of time is tragedy.  Or more directly, because time is a determined end/ then to continue on as life, we must have truth beyond ourselves.  That truth illuminates the passage from miracles to an identity which can survive.  Not a body that can survive/ but an identity shaped in truth, that will survive; because truth cannot be changed.  It is, what it is!  Therefore your own truth is the substance of what can or cannot be eternal/ and determines the direction given to you, by your own desire.  Here we must examine what it means to be “You”! 
Elevated from the debris of time, which is your body:   is the spiritual source of your own identity.  What has spirit, has life/ time therefrom becomes irrelevant!  What can and cannot be in spirit is defined by purpose and desire.  What you desire MOST constructs your happiness or purpose in life and living.  Therefore what you desire most, must be identified by you, prior to entering therein.  Because every truth, is an identity singled out, by its own desire.  Desire means: if I had to choose one thing, to spend my life upon/ to give my life for: it would be this!  That does not mean there is no room for other values and treasures within an honest life.  It simply means, “nothing about living means more to me than this”.   GOD IS FIRST, for life!  Therefore what honors HIM, becomes a very close second.
Within that desire is a purpose.  Purpose means: within my heart lives the struggle to be the essence of my own desire, proven true.  True purpose is the price you will pay, for the desire of your heart or soul. Where that is love, love as a source of truth,  rules both the life and living.  Love is:   a foundation which becomes the source of everything that Identifies me.  Love is: the building of “our destiny”, through the understanding that is, “happiness and hope shared/ because we both care”.  
Within the environment of a human envelope (the transportation vessel, into eternity);   comes our choices.  When confronted by pain, whether emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, or fearful: humanity builds walls to keep each other out.  Don’t hurt me again.  The consequence of these walls however is consistent with: don’t be free/ don’t prepare for an eternity/ don’t seek your own truth/ and don’t enjoy the miracle that is your time on earth.  Each is a harsh reality, that should not be so.  Yet the most consistent enemy is a demand “to be rich”.  Or more simply: “to enslave the others/ and take their freedom, even their lives away”.  
Emotional pain is: the elemental descriptions that follow “I am not”:   worthy/ I am not accepted/ I am not respected/ I am not wanted/ I am not loved/ I am not equal/ I am not desired by the people I choose to spend life with.  Therefore I must hide, so they don’t recognize my failures; and lie about who I am, so I am not forced to leave. 
Mental pain begins with: even though I am not equal, I can be a slave to you and therefrom buy my way into a life I cannot otherwise have.  Even though, what I want is unfair and unwise/ I WANT IT, and will spend both life and love (yours or mine) to get what I want: therefrom establishing hate, creating distrust, and choosing disrespect.  Even though I have lost my way, and wander in the darkness of escape, from a life that lingers toward death. The essence of that escape is my hope, my reality: or, “YOU can’t make me stay”.  Even though no one loves me, as proven by the facts of life in time. The possibilities of revenge hold no promise, but are in fact the potential of my own failure to life and miracles.  Even though I have been wronged, there is no room here to understand: I too, have wronged.  Even though I expect forgiveness for everything/ I won’t forgive “nothing”.  Etc/ etc/ etc!
Physical pain refers to the attack, that is our bodies in turmoil/ and it does not matter where that attack comes from, because it is body that represents life.  Therefore every physical pain represents death/ or a reality that must be endured: because no one wants it to be true.  The critical step between courage and cowardice exists only when you have accepted the simple truth: we will all die/ eternity then begins.  Regardless what you believe, eternity then begins: which makes this life in time, incredibly small.  Other than its purpose to define and create a life that will go on.  Consequently, what you accept as true “for an eternity” decides the courage of your existence.
Spiritual pain is at its core strictly developed from love.  I loved, and now I am alone/ because death separated me from the one I loved.  Which does beg the question: WHY must this be so?  Which then replies:   DID YOU desire to die at the same time, as the one you loved/ OR, did you desire your life here in time more?  Answer the question, because there is no other solution.  Time is a body/ and bodies have a limited range of existence/ have a limited ability to recover from consequences regardless of where or how they exist.
FEAR “like a fire/ burrows in”.  Therefrom it is in the interest, & the essence of our human existence to create an inner wall; which cannot be defeated.  Or more carefully established: the only truth, that can hold that fire out:   is GOD as a truth, within our soul.  That is a choice/ not a guarantee.  You are given the opportunity to choose it, to experience it, to live and express the values every miracle conceives of, because of OUR CREATOR!   To refuse it, is your own choice.

The passage and possibilities of life in peace and harmony with creation: is determined by your own cleanliness.  NOT physically/ but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  To be true, is the essence of life itself.  That is a personal distinction only you can make/ a reality that only you can achieve: which no one can take away, unless you let it be so.
The human development beyond what is personal, and therefrom involves ONLY me; is in contrast, what we choose to do to the others. The question returns to why do you hurt me (anyone)?  The fundamental answer is, “I want more”/ therefore I take what is yours, “like all thieves do”.  The failure to return “what is mine, be it respect, trust, realities needed, love given, honesty expressed, or any other thing of value including money”; means you won’t be forgiven until you do. As best you can!  Even though these things can be covered up by a desire to love you; the failure to repent of it, leaves only mercy (I will love you anyway) to intervene.  Nonetheless, a thief cannot be trusted/ therefore until true repentance is born inside of you: an inner wall exists, to insure “no more of this”. The time of simple; has past.
Vulnerable means: I have given/ or you have taken, by whatever means, “something of value”, that makes my life controllable through your manipulation, or lack of caring, sharing, or other.  This is a functional disease, inflicted upon the other/ when or if another person decides to use that information against you.  It causes conquest to some degree, making the invader believe “they win”/ but like all war inside or out: there will be destruction.  That requires time “to heal/ and to rebuild”.  It is fair to be vulnerable, for love.  It is NOT fair to manipulate love, so that you can achieve whatever “you want”.  Love requires a mutual decision, whenever that is possible.  Love requires the understanding: it is your life, even though we love/ therefore what affects “as a majority” only you;   does in fact become your decision.  Just as my response is also my decision.
The elevation of love within our hearts, subjects us to vulnerability/ to a desire that is both honorable, and without doubt, it also contains a strictly personal:  “This is what I WANT”!  Which then becomes if allowed, the description that is:  “all is fair in love and war”!  Even though each one knows this is not true in any sense.  Because love can only be fair/ while war is never fair, although it can simply be necessary!  That brings us to the endless varieties and struggle between men and women for the purpose of “getting what I want/ regardless of your own decision”.  I want, therefore I have a right, “to lie”/ because it is what I want, for my life: what is more important than that!  The answer of course is:   “I have rights/ wants/ needs/ choices/ freedoms/ disciplines/ etc with regard to my own life”.  That are NOT subject to your want or control.  I have rights too/ I have a life and a future too!  I deserve my own choice, “In forever, with you”!  Even if love exists, this will always remain true, even in marriage.  So long as you are willing to pay the price/ it is your choice.  That price CANNOT be controlled by the other: it is simply, “tears will fall/ even if, I don’t desire this response, to be true”.  Therefore the critical decision of participation in life or love: is the purpose of your own desire. The critical truth of participation in “romance” is determined, by whether love is enough for you.  A reality governed by the cost of commitment, which is “even if I die, or must leave/ my purpose was never to harm”.  The critical message: freedom cannot be controlled, beyond the limits set out by true law!  We must live the life, we desire most, within the limits possible; or we fail ourselves.
That brings us to change; the opportunity to become “revealed” by life/ rather than hidden because of others.  Pride is found here, as the true and very harsh enemy which controls the future.  Without pride there is no humility/ there is only truth, and the consequences of being right or wrong.  With pride the image is born, and then you must either do what the image says of you/ or be proven to be “LIAR”.  Consequently people do, what they would not otherwise do; because of pride.  Pride is the decision to appear to others, “as a winner”/ and if not, then revenge, jealousy, etc will appear as your portion of winning: because you can take their lives away (by playing god), “making them loser”!  Pride is a terrible enemy; it cannot be thrown away, until you are willing to accept, “let the others say or believe ANYTHING they want”.  Letting even life admit: NO, I am not perfect, and can be reduced to what I would never choose. NOT, “what I would never do”/ because there is a vast difference!  What I would not choose is “anything that distracts from my life, as respect earned by me”.  What I would never do, is accept anything that is destructive as a choice I would make.   Pride is then consistent, with being trapped, by hate.  Until you reveal that respect from others, is NOT worth your life/ you will be controlled by that desire.  When life is more important than the respect of others: you shall begin to be free/ so long as the reality itself does not produce revenge!  I can’t/ I won’t, this was too much: now I hate, for real.  It is no game.  Consequently true change comes with   LIFE ITSELF, MUST COME FIRST!  Not anything less.
This choice between respect from humanity in time/ or RESPECT FOR LIFE ITSELF, before any description of you is possible: identifies a critical choice. Truth says: my opportunity to go beyond myself/ to identify myself/ to save myself from eternity without options.  Is to conceive of a life beyond time.  Thereby life in time loses value, and becomes secondary to existence itself.  Existence means: I have become identified.  Existence in time means: for every action, there will be a reaction.  The consequence of time is: either forgiveness because of love/ OR, each action will produce a reaction that can then multiply itself into hate, hiding, fear, or violence.  What you choose for another, DOES matter a great deal.  An example of that is: I watched a video of what was suppose to be funny, “a man setting the cap of another man on fire, when he wasn’t looking”.  It ended without serious incident; but lets review, “they didn’t think of me in any other way than their toy”.  Their fun included the possibility of life altering consequences such as fire can produce.  That can then change the body, which denies the potential that is family (to badly scarred).  Which can bring hate.  Which can cause murder.  Which then escapes a personal cost, to become family, community, or even other tragedy.  All because the male version of “fun” is a momentary excitement that risks something of value.  
While happiness is, the essence and reality of everything that reality can be for me; a relationship that is honestly of value, becoming an integral part of my life and my time.
The foundation of friendship is:   I will not let you down for simple things, for less than what the disciplines and balance of life and living will allow.  Or, more simply:  I will help you survive and be happy; as my time, and my reality in living, and family or the essence of my own desire will allow.  That does not include being used/ abused/ disrespected/ cheated/ violated/ or anything other than what would have value to you as well.  Equal is a friend/ pride, is an enemy.
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